


Messy Eater

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Innuendo, Kanaya being less of a total lesbian, Other, accidental arousal, food fetishism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-18
Updated: 2011-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-24 18:13:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/266409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've written too much smut. So here's a perfectly clean story about Gamzee eating pies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Messy Eater

Gamzee Makara didn’t just bake slime pies. He loved making pies of all sorts – fruit pies, meat pies, custard pies, shaving cream pies - you name it! Before the last fight he stocked up on all the pies he could. Well, except sopor slime. His supply of that had run out, but he was sure some miracle would come along to fix that.

                So until that miracle came, he was just going to chill out in these weird Veil place and fix his munchies. He picked the pies out of their card and spread them out in the middle of the floor of the computer room. The rest of the gang didn’t like it, but everyone seemed pretty down anyway so they didn’t bother to stop him. Karkat just looked at Gamzee, raised his finger as if he was going to lecture him, but then sighed. Eridan muttered “fuckin’ land dw-weller” but said nothing else. Terezi giggled a little, but she turned down his offer with disgust.

                Undisturbed, Gamzee went to pick his first pie. He picked up a blueberry pie, smelled its goodness, and made a loud hum that made everyone briefly look up. Not bothering to use any utensils, he just dove right in face first. He gobbled a few bites and then pulled back to savor it. It was just as good as he’d anticipated. He’d picked the blueberries himself from a magic patch near his hive. They were always the best berries and this crop didn’t disappoint.  They burst with every bite. Add in a little sugar (or maybe a lot) and you’ve got a sticky syrupy blue mess. He closed his eyes and moaned loudly with each chew. When he opened his eyes, he saw Equius staring at him. Gamzee didn’t find this strange. That motherfucker was always staring.

                                “Blueberries are the bitchtits, ain’t they?” Gamzee said to his blue bro.

                Equius’ mouth opened, but he said nothing.

                                “You hungry?” Gamzee asked, “I see that drool running down yo protein chute. Wanna pie?”

                                He answered, “I’m…not hungry, Highblüd. It’s just sweat.”

                                “Okay!”

                Gamzee went back to eating. Soon the pie was gone, but he wasn’t done. He stuck his huge tongue out and licked the tin all over. When the tin was clean he licked his lips and then his cheeks. His tongue stretched out almost to his cheekbones. All through this Equius made soft whinnying noises. Poor guy was too uptight to take a pie from guy higher than him, Gamzee thought. Oh well. More for him!

                One pie didn’t satisfy his hunger. He took a peanut butter chocolate pie. This one hadn’t turned out as well as he wanted it too. It was too liquidly. Still, it was pie. As he was about to scoop some out with his hands, Tavros proudly strolled in. He then stopped when he saw what was in Gamzee’s hand. Gamzee held the filling out towards his friend.

                                “Look, it’s the same color as you!” he said.

                                “Uhhh, that’s pie, right?” Tavros asked.

                                “Of course, bro, what else could it be?”

                                “Haha, yeah, what else it could be?”

                                “Hahaha!”

                Gamzee went back to the matter at his hand. He held up his index finger and licked slowly. He again moaned loudly and even shivered a little at the rich chocolaty taste. Maybe next time he’d use more peanut butter, but this pie was still delicious. He stuck his finger deep into his mouth. He didn’t have a gag reflex, perhaps from all the sopor slime, so he didn’t have to worry about making even more of a mess. He sucked hard on his finger. The sucking noise echoed through the metal room. He then pushed more fingers into his mouth until he practically had his fist in there. When he got the filling off his fingers, he pulled them out. A string of saliva hung from his lips to his fingers. He stuck out his tongue and lapped it back up. He turned his head to Tavros and saw the boy had taken up Equius’ favorite hobby. His face was brown as the pie Gamzee had just eaten.

                                Gamzee said, “Those pants look hot.”

                                Tavros sputtered, “Uhh, uhh, you think so?”

                                “Yeah, cause you’re all flushed and sweating and shit.”

                He turned to Equius, who also looked like he was having heat issues.

                                “Why don’t you go do Tavros right?” he said to him, “Get some fans up in those pants.”

                                “I have your permission to leave, Highblüd?”

                                “Sure, go to the load gapper too cause you look like…”

                Equius for once didn’t bothered to point out the lowblood term. Instead he ran out the best he could with crossed legs.

                                “Huh,” Gamzee said, “He forgot to take Tavros with him. Thought he’d be pumped to do that.”

                He then turned to Tavros.

                                “That reminds me,” he said, “You never took me up on my makeout offer.”

                Vriska shot Tavros an angry look. He backed up towards the doorway.

                                “I, uhh, just didn’t have time, what with me sleeping, and flying, so, uhh, sorry.”

                                “That’s okay. Maybe some other time?”

                Tavros looked at Vriska, and then at Gamzee.

                                “I need to go,” he said, “Find Equius, that is, and get my pants adjusted, so I’m not blushing.”

                He ran out the doorway. Vriska gave Gamzee a searing look. He honked a little nervously, took the peanut butter chocolate pie, and held it up to Vriska as an offering.

                                “You might like it, sis,” he said, “It’s like Tavros pie.”

                Vriska’s creepy eyes widen, she put her hands to her face, and she spun back to her computer. Gamzee shrugged and wondered again why people didn’t take his pies.

                He was feeling a bit tired of sweet stuff, so he picked up a meat pie. He wasn’t much into meat pies, really, he just liked the grub gravy. He held the pie in his hands, piercing the crust with his fingers, and then held it up to his face. He licked the gravy coming from the slit. Much of it dribbled down his chin. He heard a feminine gasp and looked over to see Kanaya now joining the staring contest. He put down the pie and wiped his face with his sleeve.

                                He said to her, “I look like a rainbow drinker now, don’t I?”

                                She answered, “You lack the requisite glow. I would say you look you’ve just, well, you look like a very messy eater.”

                                “Yeah, too messy. I should take off this shirt.”

                Several chairs swiveled his way.

                                “When I’m done,” he added.

                The chairs swiveled back again. Kanaya continued to look at Gamzee while sneaking looks at Vriska. Gamzee lifted the pie back up to his face. He moved his tongue further into the slit.  With his expert tongue he scooped up the contents. While the pie was mostly green gravy, there were some juicy bits of meat. The clear juice also dribbled down. As always, he moaned loudly as he enjoyed his food. When he was done with that pie, he put it down, leaned back, and burped. Everyone was looking by this point.

                                “I think I’m about done,” he said.

                He looked at one of the few pies left.

                                “But…” he added, “I think I’ll try some cherry pie…”

                                “NO!” Karkat yelled.

                Everyone was now looking at him.

                                Karkat declared, “New rule: no eating in the computer room.”

                                “Sorry, bro,” Gamzee replied.

                Gamzee capchaloged the pies, stood up, wiped his face again, and saunter out.

                                “I'm tired of eating anyway,” he said, “I think I’ll go pail.”

                                 


End file.
